Red Digital Readout

Doom is a film based on an extremely bloody video game shooter, only the filmmakers decided that the shooting part wasn’t as important as the bloody. By the time the first half hour ticks by, we’ve seen buckets of gore, but not a single shot fired. If Doom’s goal was to suggest that films can poison the mind just as easily as video games, then mission accomplished (for real).

It seems as if the director had only seen one movie before, James Cameron’s Aliens. Only the DVD must have been damaged, because the only scenes he could study were the ones where the Marines slowly walk around the abandoned space outpost, the lights at the end of their weapons providing the only illumination. Doom’s run time clocks in at a criminal 113 minutes, 90 of which consist of scenes where the Marines split into pairs and clear dark rooms.

In between those, we have lots of childish expository talking, along with poorly choreographed shots of Marines plowing bullets into monsters. The visual effects crew obviously missed the rest of Aliens as well, because where Aliens' creatures were creepy and sleek, Doom’s demons resemble rugby players drenched in mud. Perhaps they figured that the brazen lack of lighting would make this a moot point?

Exactly why the filmmakers mostly ignored the vile looking monsters of the source material is hard to explain, as is the complete lack of interesting violence or combat. People get butchered, Marines shoot machine guns, they move on. Most films of this nature are ruthlessly mean-spirited and cynical, but Doom merely operates on fumes, gliding from one stupid scene to the next. Gore sickos will have much more fun with smut like Saw II or Wolf Creek, while action fans can find more inspiring material in the typical B western. A bright 6th grader or a stupid English grad student could have reasonably written the plot, which is so worthless that it doesn’t deserve description.

Doom offers surprise only in the astonishing boredom of each frame. I can’t even despise Doom, because to do so would require the far more energy than the film possesses. If for some reason you are forced to watch Doom, I suggest a game; close your eyes, listen to the dialogue, and make your own pictures. Rest assured, what you think of will be much more enjoyable than what actually exists. Even better, suggest an alternative activity. How about a good book? Video games can be so dull.


0.5 out of 5

# posted by James : 3:59 PM